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Wednesday, 5 January 2011

hello hospital.

Firstly, i hope you all had a great new year! <3
My first post of 2011 right here! :)

over the holidays its been crap for me, i binged, and fasted alot.
ive lost more weight.
i wrote my councellor a 3 page letter saying how i feel and that i am discusting and fat.
i gave her it today during my review meeting.
Shes woried about my mental state (ive cut and tryed taking an overdose).
shes ringing me tomorrow morning to 'check up on me'.
i have to see a phyciatrist and her again before monday and she said its likley that i will be going into hospital.
Hmm. :/
i dont really know what to do, i want to go into hospital, so i can get better. i know i wont gain weight unless in forced. But im so scared of going back there! its horrile.
But i hope 2011 is the year i can get better.

Posotive Note - My new pointe shoes have been made and posted! they should be here soon! <3
But... i doubt theyll let me dance in hospital :(

Love you all


  1. I'm sorry :( Good luck in hospital. I hope 2011 is the year you get better too :) xxx

  2. Its refreshing to hear you want to get better. 2011 will bring change :) stay safe thinking of you

  3. I hope you feel better, you're not fat and discusting I've seen your pictures!
    Good luck about hospital! If you have to go in, I hope it isn't as terrible as you remember..

  4. I think going to the hospital would be a good plan. Just think of life afterwards, after recovery, all the disgusting feelings will be gone, you won't want to overdose or cut, and you'll be healthy. Things will work out for you, just hang in there and push through the hard times.

    Plus, I know saying this won't change the way you see yourself, but you are beautiful and no wheres near fat. And if, WHEN, you recover you still won't be. You'll always be gorgeous.

    Take care. xx

  5. Ohphooey, I just realized that I used the word healthy.

    And by that I do not in ANY way mean that you'll be anywheres close to fat! What I meant by it was that your body will function properly and you'll have more energy for the wonderful dancing you do.


  6. Good luck girly, if you want someone to write random letters to and from then email me the address (I'm very good at distracting letters :P) my email is on my full profile I think xxx

  7. Hello lovey. Hope you are allrigh, but its good for you to say that you want to get better. I wish the bestest for you! Hope your pointe shoes get here soon!


  8. i think that you're already really really really brave to:a) write that 3 page long letter discussing how you feel, and b) have the mindset that you want to get better;

    its natural to be scared about going into hospital - but just go with it;

    wish you all the best xx <3

  9. Good luck love, I think going into hospital is the right thing to do. And it sounds like you do too. I really want you to get better. And by the end of 2011, you will be able to look back and remember this as an incredibly successful year.


  10. thankyou everyone!
    you dont know how much your words mean.
    i hope youre all ok!
    and i love every single one of you xxxx