Inpatient Update!

it was my 17th Birthday yesterday (2nd april) it was amazing! i loved it
last time i updated i wasnt really sure about getting better and recovering. But thursday night the hospital let me go and see my college show. I cryed the whole way through it, and seeing my friends made me realise how much i was missing out on! when i was in the hospital i didnt care if i stayed in there for months, so if youre going into inpatient or are in inpatient. it really is important to keep intouch with the outside world! and youll realise that you really do want to get back into it! Ive been in inpatient almost 10weeks now. ive gained 1/2 stone so far and got a stone more to go (Im 38kg's or 83lbs and i have to get to 44kg's / 94lbs) and right now, i feel OK about gaining, im starting to feel like a completly different person! so if you are wanting to get better,i think inpatient may be the only possible way you can. well atleast i know for me it most certainly was! My next CPA meeting is on the 18th May, theyll either tell me im staying in for another 6 weeks or give me a discharge date. But im hoping that if i gain some more weight over the next 3 weeks i can discharge myself so i can start going back to college, or even go to ollege from the hospital!
I cant wait until im well and out again
i do feel so different! its amazing, and i was so scared of feeling different, or feeling like it was ok to eat! But it honestly isnt scary at all once you feel like it! i still have my foods that i cant eat, and it still takes me ages to eat meals! but i feel so much happier in my self its unbelivable!
So all i can say is, if youre petrified of getting better like i was, once youre on the way to recovery its not as bad as you think! i was really scared of knowing who i would be with out my ED and i didnt want tofind out to be honest. But im starting to find out, and i love who i am becoming! :D

Holy Macaroni.

Dont know why thats the title. i just like the sound of it.

But im going into Inpatient tomorrow :'( oh god! im so scared!!
going to try and recover, i know ill refuse to eat at first. but im hoping ill change my ways and getbetter... hopefully.
its all a little bit too scary! ive been in there before, but the staf have changed because the old ones were 'pushovers' so its going to be really hard.
wish me luck.
love you all!
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Hello!

Hope youre all ok lovlies!
i had my pre admission today for inpatient. im going in next friday.
Im really going to try to recover, and the ward has a dog called cass.
and theyve said im allowed to take my dog max on for abit to settle me in, which im so happy about!
I need to pack my things, my bedroom is going to be so empty!
ill take a before and after shot, of how it looks and post it on here.


Im allowed my mobile on the ward, so im hoping ill be able to post on here from on there!
take care lovlies!

kay.dancer<3 xxxxxxxxx

Bleauhh.

Hello.
i overdosed on sunday night and my mam found me. she phoned 999 and landed me in the hospital.
I hate her for it to be honest. my auntie keeps saying 'youll see one day how grateful you are for her rining them'
but i dont care. i dont deserve to live.
id take another one, but my parents have hidden everythingggg.
Any way i got let out of the hospital earlier on today.
They had me on a heart monitor all night the first night, and then on a drip for a while. But because i was in the adults ward and not in for my ed they didnt make me eat. yay.
Also a friend i met on facebook who has anorexia came to see me as she was in the hospital next door, she was allowed out for a bit but was ment to stay on the grounds hehe. awh well.
my mam had to go to work earlier, and my gran even came round to sit with me so i didnt do anything. bleaugh.
My councellor is coming to see me tomorrow morning at 10am. then im getting pre admitted to the newberry hospical (ed clinic) on thursday.
I just dont want to think about it at the moment.

byebye kaylie.

so i was at the hospital today, theyve put me on a inpatient programme, i have to go next week to meet the staff and look around. ive been there twice before but its a new building and new staff :(
and i got no phone signal there at all. Phones are banned anyway, but i plan on sneaking mine in.
ill update again before i go in. and will as soon as i can! or when i get allowed home for a day or night :)
(mabye even sneakily go on the computer at hospital).  (yn)

i love shannice so much. shes a darling! <3 and always cheeres me up.
and Taylor! for making that thread on pt! i wasnt expecting that, im glad i read it after this bad news, it  cheered me up  :) so thankyou for that <3

So! i hope youre all ok, i love you all dearly!
Stay safe! Keep eating (try) and enjoy your lifes!

Kay.Dancer<3
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hello hospital.

Firstly, i hope you all had a great new year! <3
My first post of 2011 right here! :)

over the holidays its been crap for me, i binged, and fasted alot.
ive lost more weight.
i wrote my councellor a 3 page letter saying how i feel and that i am discusting and fat.
i gave her it today during my review meeting.
Shes woried about my mental state (ive cut and tryed taking an overdose).
shes ringing me tomorrow morning to 'check up on me'.
i have to see a phyciatrist and her again before monday and she said its likley that i will be going into hospital.
Hmm. :/
i dont really know what to do, i want to go into hospital, so i can get better. i know i wont gain weight unless in forced. But im so scared of going back there! its horrile.
But i hope 2011 is the year i can get better.

Posotive Note - My new pointe shoes have been made and posted! they should be here soon! <3
But... i doubt theyll let me dance in hospital :(

Love you all
Kay.Dancer<3
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dance like its the end of the world.

Im watching riverdancing right now, and i can honestly say it is one of the most beautiful things on this earth! <3
i wish my parents put me in that when i was younger aswell as ballet.
I dont even know if there is anywhere that does riverdancing around my area?
i think i may have to teach myself.

JOANNE DOYLE
pure amazing.











On the other hand!
Happy New Year!
theres 8 hours left of 2010 if youre in England.
im normally quite scared of the new year! i dont know why, ive always had a phobia of it.
but this year im trying to make it into a posotive.
one of my 2009/10 newyears resolution was to recover from anorexia and get better once and for all, it was going good, mid way through the year, but august time i relapsed again. and am currently at my lowest weight since i was 13. so that didnt work out as planned.
I havent really thought of resolutions for the new year.
But if i go into inpatient on 4th jan when i have my review then its going to be to gain weight and when i get past 40kg's to never go lower than that when i come out.
if i dont go in, then i suspect things will stay the same. and this year i want to make resolutions that im going to be able to do. i want to succeed this year.

A friend Lyssa wrote this for me... i love her. She's amazing.


i hope you all have a great new year! and dont get too drunk! :)
Love from Kay.Dancer <3
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